My Choices! (poem)

There it is that Look!
He kisses me, I kiss him back
With his hands he grabs my breasts
“not now huni, The babys awake”
We both look at our son
He puts him in the chair and places him in front of tv
“what are you doing”
“He s to young to understand”
“I don’t want to,stop it”
He scowls”I have needs to”
He pushs me back onto the couch
“ow that hurt,stop it”
“shhh the baby”
“Stop it”
My baby is watching us
My choices: to have sex forced upon me here in front of my baby
For my baby to hear my pain and see the tears
to fight him and risk my baby being hurt.
No my son is my life!
Leaving my baby on his own downstairs I go to the bedroom.
“can we just talk?”
He is on top of me already.
“Please I don’t want to, our babys on his own”
“I will be quick”
“stop being so tense”
He spits on me
I think you know what happens next.
I didn’t struggle all I could think about was getting to my baby.
I lay there, it felt like fire
tears running down my cheaks
its over
he dresses,I dress
I ignore my pain
I run to my baby who gives me the most beautiful smile
And I feel so guilty,guilty because with my babe in my arms the only thoughts are of suicide