I want her back!

I saw a hairdresser today.Its the first time in around 3years ive had my hair done.It looks so much better.But i had to sit in front of a mirror.I avoid mirrors.I dont even look in a mirror to wash myself.I hated it.I wanted to smash that mirror! The person staring back wasnt me.It was a fat rounded face,Sleep deprivation showing underneath my eyes.I found myself looking for the scars that once were on my face,My cheek bones have disappeared.The emiciated 12yr old girl has disappeared.I want her back! I miss anorexia!